Maybe this fruit doesn’t have its place in our Great Heaven of Literature... Indeed, it seems that apples have turned into jinx since Eve has decided to bite into one. But if you still have a doubt, you can ask to Snow White if an apple a day keeps the doctor away... Even Newton got a big bump on his head, you know... And thanks to this apple, he also got notoriously contradicted by Einstein a few centuries later! Really frustrating, isn’t it? I was there when he got crazy. To the most beautiful! Sorry, I mean, to the cleverest. The thing is I am getting a bit confused with Snow White and these damned apples. ‘Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Fairest of Them All?’ Snow White didn’t bite into any golden apple, did she? Anyways, as Hortensio said in The Taming of the Shrew by Shakespeare, ‘there’s small choice in rotten apples’.
So, what was I about to say? ... That’s it, I was talking about how frustrating an apple can be... Indeed, my best friend Emily Dickinson, for example, often told me she was disappointed to be that small. You know, "Heaven"—is what [you] cannot reach! The Apple on the Tree... I have also been the confidant of Jean-Jacques Rousseau and I can ensure you that apples are naturally good ! Such as men... Ask it to this apple thief. Oh, you didn’t know? Click here.
Just a little foretaste :
« Je piquai plusieurs fois sans succès ; enfin je sentis avec transport que j'amenais une pomme. Je tirai très doucement : déjà la pomme touchait à la jalousie, j'étais prêt à la saisir. Qui dira ma douleur ? La pomme était trop grosse, elle ne put passer par le trou. Que d'inventions ne mis-je point en usage pour la tirer ! »
So, Eve, Snow White, Newton, Emily Dickinson and Jean-Jacques Rousseau agree with me. The French too, because they do not like the pépins, do they? Apples suck. And for what it’s worth, the Romans also agree with me. See, malus in Latin means ‘apple tree’ when it is a noun, and ‘evil’ when it is an adjective! I know you probably don’t share this kind of etymological interest, so I will not mix apples with oranges... Unless you’re my media naranja as the Spanish say, but I don’t think so, and I’d better settle for writing this post, as I am asked to. So, apples suck, but I am still trying to suck up to God (the big one) because I just want to be the apple of his eye, you see... So, here I am, bravely obeying and writing that damned post about this « golden apple of discord »... Just wait a minute, am I asked to write damned posts in Heaven? I’ll be damned! I know... I’d better get to the point... My time to achieve this task is not unlimited... God is not patient, even if he often deals with Eternity. Remember, he created the World in 7 days! I guess that’s why it is so badly made.
- This is becoming annoying... Shut up or you might get fired today. Get to the point, precisely!
Of course!
So, what was I about to say? ... That’s it...
You are tired of your boss and you do not dare to quit... Because you are used to having problems with authority, and you must recognise you are, at least, really stubborn. Or maybe, you just want to take a few days of forced, although well-deserved, holiday, and you plan to stir things up and create a little drama between your really irritating colleagues...
We’ve got what you need!
Try our golden (pine)apple of discord!
Put it on the desk of your boss, or one of your colleagues, as you prefer, and you’ll see. Just be careful because this is a poison apple. Once again, we do NOT provide after-sales service.
Our biologists are French, so they don’t like the pépins. They took it into consideration when they produced this GMO. But objectively, this fruit was more adapted for 5 main reasons.
1. It stings better your fingers and your ego
2. It is really of the color of the gold
3. It does have a crown for ‘’the fairest’’
4. It has suckers (remember, literary apples suck)
5. In Paradise, it’s hot, and this kind of apple grows best in full sun
Flora
Ps. Express drawing... =)
Pps. This is fiction. I am KIND. (Though really stubborn.)